Don’t Accept Me, Expect Me

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One Red Fish Surrounded By Blue Fish.

I did it once. I gave in to my disability. I was struggling in college: juggling a double major, a part-time job, a sorority, and track season was right around the corner. My schedule was a breeze when going through manic mode. But when dealing with the low side of bi-polar, the battle was uphill and the finish line looked a lot farther than the 400m sprint I was used to training for.  So I gave in.

It was the end of my 8 am class and I went to my professor. It was just a general education course and I was only a semester away from graduation. I did what I had never done for any class. I told the professor about my disability. I chalked it up for all it was worth. I explained that I was dealing with med changes and my schedule was full. None of it was really a lie.

I don’t regret telling my professor that I have bi-polar disorder, but I do regret why I told him. I was looking for a way out; a way to make the day easier. The class didn’t really matter. It was just a nuisance class I had to take to graduate. I wanted an easy A and I knew that by gaining a little sympathy it would be possible.

Just to be clear, the one perk of having a disability is to use sympathy for our advantage. But taking that one gesture toward sympathy sets us two steps back in our abilities. That day when I told the professor about my disability, I was screaming for the professor to accept me for my differences. What he really did was even better; he expected me for being the same.

It’s not difficult to spin into the acceptance trend. Short or tall, red or blue, we want people to take us how we are. But when it comes to rising up to a challenge, we can be quick to remind others of our faults and excuse ourselves from rising to the top. We are no longer expected and we sink ourselves back down to the minority that is comfortable and safe.

As we gear up for the back to school season, I want to encourage all parents and teachers to not provide students with a letter of acceptance, but with an impression of expectance. There are many times that we say as novices that “we can’t” when the fact is that “we won’t”. When we decide that we won’t do something because our disabilities hold us back, then we will never really reach our full potential.

I got an A in that class. Though I told the professor about my disability for the wrong reasons, he was gracious in letting me take my time to learn in a way that was right for me. I didn’t go to class every day, but I studied, and I felt as though I earned the A.

How We Learned Happiness

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IMG_0994While growing up in a household with two brothers with Down syndrome there has always been one comment that digs under my skin. There are some comments I can let go, like, Wow. Your life must be so difficult. Or, Bless you for your patience. Yes, these too get to me. Because I don’t feel like my brothers have made my life difficult, and patience is not my duty. When these comments arise I grin a little and brush it off like hair on my sleeve.

Above all of these statements is this: People with disabilities are always so happy. Why does this get under my skin? Because there isn’t an always for everyone and everything. See, the statements above, I can see where people might get those impressions. There are times that life is difficult. There are times that I have had to learn patience. Those times felt like happiness felt as far as the East is from the West.

2016-02-21 21.41.37When our brother died in 2006 Eric sobbed. He felt the grief of losing someone close like a normal person. But at the viewing Levi didn’t shed a tear. At the funeral, Levi didn’t clear his throat or sniffle. Neither of my brothers had joy, but they expressed the pain in far different ways.

When our brother died, I thought I had to be the strong one. When I saw our dad cry for the first time in my life, I knew that I had to step up and fight for joy again. I tried so hard to stay strong that I eventually developed depression and I was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

So what is my point? Everyone handles grief differently. Levi ignored the pain. Eric accepted the pain. I fought the pain. You might say it defines whether or not we fight, flight, or freeze in adversity. Whatever any psychological study might entail, all three of us have struggled with disabilities. All three of us have experienced less than joy. And, all three of us have conquered agony.

You see, when you say people with disabilities are always so happy, you infer that we are not able to comprehend pain. We must be happy because we don’t understand stress, adversity, or grief. Honestly, I speak for all of us that carry a disability and say that we understand those things better than those that don’t have a disability. For centuries we have been alienated, mocked, and condemned for simply living.

Maybe there is some truth to people with disabilities being happy. It’s not because we don’t understand, but because we know what it is like to feel both pain and joy. We have faced the worst, so we can conquer the best.

A New Year’s Offer

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eric and leviChristmas is a beautiful time of year. For many is brings joy. For others it can be very difficult. But nothing in life is flawless. Even grievances add to the pristine and raw splendor that Christmas brings.

For many
of us, it’s a celebration of religion or collaboration with family and friends. While these are all the most important aspects of the holiday, one of my favorite parts is the giving of gifts. Now, before you stop reading because I sound materialistic, I want you to consider this: when you are given a gift, you are expected to accept it. For a homeless man it may be a meal. For a young lady it might be an engagement ring. Maybe it’s a silly white elephant gift. Maybe it’s homemade and packed deeply with nostalgia. Whether we cherish it or re-gift it, we have a chance to say thank you to someone for showing physically that they care.

Thanksgiving gives us a chance to say that we are grateful. Christmas gives us to chance to show that we are thankful. New Years can be equally beautiful because it brings hope. On Thanksgiving we muster up something that keeps life worth living. On Christmas we might not be able to give
or receive a gift. But the New Year helps us remember to say that maybe this new year will be better.

For the New Year, we don’t give gifts. But this coming year I would like you to consider taking an offer. An offering doesn’t have to be accepted as a gift does. It gives you the chance to say no. Why? Because gifts are meant for your enjoyment. Offers on the other hand lend the idea of a duty of you.

For this New Year I want to make an offer to you to accept. Not to just accept
the offer, but accept the offer of acceptance.

I told you that Holidays are beautiful because they aren’t flawless. People are the same way. As a sister to three siblings with disabilities, as an aunt to two nephews with autism, as a woman that struggles daily with Bipolar disorder, I am an advocate that imperfection is beautiful. I can say that more times than not it’s easier to admit that with humility than with pride.

For some our differences are inevitable, for others they are controversial. But without enduring hardships, without conflict, we cannot find resolution.

For this New Year, my wish is that you will accept the offer to accept others. My resolution is to enable you to find freedom in this acceptance. This offer may not be easy to endure, but the hope that will be gained is the gift of a lifetime.

5 Tips for the Social Benefit Entrepreneur

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1Running a business can be both exciting and challenging. Let’s say we throw in the idea of not just growing a business, but benefitting humanity on top of it all. We feel a sense of pride in making a little impact on the world, but in order to leave the biggest impression, success is crucial. While growing my own socially beneficial business, I have learned a few tips (some the hard way) for running a successful socially beneficial entrepreneurship.

  1. Sell the Opportunity

What are you creating your business for? What is its purpose? In my business, my social benefit is to create jobs within the food industry for adults with developmental disabilities. All of the sudden I have created a business that few people dare to do. I have created my niche.

So who cares? Actually, a lot of people. According to Forbes, more than 88% of consumers think companies should try to achieve their business goals while improving society and the environment, and, 83% of consumers think companies should support charities and nonprofits with financial donations.

In the back of your mind, you and maybe a few stakeholders are the people that want your enterprise to do well, but a large number of people want your business to do good. It is important to market that doing good is exactly the business you are in. Whether it’s local newspapers, news clips, or social media, share your story. Otherwise you will be grouped in with the other side stands selling the same product.

  1. Quality Equals Loyalty

As people start to hear your story, they will be ready to see your product for themselves. This is your one shot. Think to yourself, how many times have you felt that you needed to support someone in something? You build an empathy towards them. Maybe it’s supporting someone financially for a medical bill or a mission trip. Maybe it’s just that little favor you promised someone last week and you know it should be fulfilled. Once the money or favor is given, you cross it off your mental list and continue on your day. It makes you feel accomplished.

What is my point? People will have that same urgency to try your socially responsible business. People will also have the same ease at crossing it off their list.

You have to give people a reason to come back through your product. At my business, we have built some very loyal clientele with one item—the cinnamon roll. People love them! Of course you want people to love all you have to offer, but if you can have at least one item that gives you competitive advantage over your competitor, or gets people marketing your business for you, then you have begun to build loyalty.

  1. G.U.E.S.T. Services

When you’re running a socially responsible business, it does not matter how elaborate your product inventory list is, you are in the service business. We’ve all had the waitress who is having a bad day, or the sales clerk who is everything but cordial. Often times we just tip a little less and move on with our lives. But especially when running a socially beneficial business, careless composure is bad for business.

Here’s my point: when people start to hear word of your social benefit, it gives them a good enough feeling to try you out. Don’t let them leave with a bad feeling. Many businesses have different ways of working with their employees to achieve a great service. One of my favorite acronyms is G.U.E.S.T.—Greet the customer, Use their name, Eye contact, Smile, and Thank the customer.

When you’re running a socially beneficial business, the customer might not be your primary beneficiary. That is, they may not be the one you started your business to benefit. It is important to remember that their contribution is what allows you to fuel your primary beneficiary, which makes them equally as important.

  1. Use Your Internal Hard Drive

We’ve all heard the phrase, “The Customer is always Right”. While waitressing my way through college, I’ve learned that that phrase is simply not true. I remember waiting on one lady. She sent back her steak that was clearly cooked how she had ordered it, cheekily looking to claim a free meal. I returned with a steak that looked extraordinarily similar to the first, but slightly more pleasing to the woman’s appeal. I candidly asked her if she would like her water refilled. She replied, “My water glass should always be full!”

As I shed a couple tears in the back room, my boss looked at me and said, “The customer is not always right, but don’t ever let them think anything else.”

As an employer it is important to show adoration to the external portion of your business—the customer. But more importantly, you should always put a large sense of pride toward your internal forces, or employees. They are often times more of the face of your business than you are. If you can help them build a sense of pride for your business creation, their self-esteem and overall quality of life will shine outwardly. This will help them to deliver quality and service to external prospects with ease.

  1. Aim for Profit

Of all of the tips above for a social benefit entrepreneur, this is the most important. First, your business won’t operate in Black Friday mode right away. Your ribbon cutting and other special events might draw in some people, but your mission won’t appeal to everyone from day one. You have to fight competitors for attention as if your social benefit is just as much of a competitive edge and Bob’s Chili Dogs’ secret recipe.

Second, you are running a for-profit business. In your eyes you might be making a difference to your social beneficiaries, but you are not making a difference in the eyes of the business realm until you profit. So what? You might say. Do you want to not work a day in your life doing what you love? Do you want your business to expand and make an even bigger difference? To fulfill these questions, you need money.

Third, build on soul and mind. As social benefiters, we are built on the heart aspect. We want to leave people feeling satisfied; it fuels us. When finances aren’t going as planned, we rely on our immeasurable feelings. Don’t. The numbers are a variable that is defined. Be an entrepreneur; take what you can control like marketing, quality products, and excellent service to build your business. This doesn’t mean give up on your primary mission. A socially beneficial business is a paradox in itself. To be successful, you must be both creative and regimented; Follow your heart, but don’t forget to use your brain.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/csr/2010/12/15/new-study-consumers-demand-companies-implement-csr-programs/

The Can/Will Matrix

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IMG_0954-0.JPGIn my previous blog, “Why Hire Individuals with Disabilities?”, I tried to clear up some of the fears behind hiring individuals with disabilities (Hence the blog title.) Many of these individuals have a unique skill set that can be very valuable for virtually any business.

As a community opportunity employer, (Which basically means that I hire individuals with disabilities), I have a strong passion in highlighting the skills of my workers, both typical and not. I have learned that many of my workers have factors that make them good workers. However, I want to clear one issue up. For centuries, people with disabilities have been declared unable to work, mindless, worthless. In fact, before Jews, Hitler’s first genocide target was individuals with disabilities. If they couldn’t work than they had no real benefit to his invincible society.

Years of segregation and harsh stereotypes may be a lot for these individuals to carry on their shoulders, but many have realized that if they work for the prize they too can be successful. But to say every individual with a disability has this persistent mindset would be just as stereotypical as past societal assumptions.

I have a very analytical mind, and I constantly assess the performance of my workers. I wanted to be able to assess the abilities of my workers based on both performance and character. I made an assessment that I use every three months to analyze each individual, both disabled and typical. The assessment grades on:

–Task Ability: Scales ability to do tangible tasks such as washing dishes or making drinks.
–Application Ability: How long does it take the individual to learn tasks independently?
–Initiative: Does the individual need constant guidance, or are they proactive in finding work?
–Relations With Others: Does the individual get along with co-workers and management?

(If you would like a copy of a performance assessment, feel free to email me at bobbi.custer@spottedcowcoffeehouse.com)

Considering the areas above, I have found that there are two major factors that affect my assessment categories. Ability or Can, and Desire or Will. Individuals both disabled and typical can be categorized in one of the four areas: Can/Will, Can/Won’t, Can’t/Will, Can’t/Won’t. Deciding what category an individual falls under has helped me determine whether or not an individual has the ability to excel, and provide overall benefit for my business.

I want to go over each section in detail, but I want you to keep in mind the phrase, Where there’s a Will, There’s a Way. In other words, individuals that are willing will lower your turnover rate, and provide the overall potential that you would like to achieve. It’s also important to pair the skill with the job being applied for. For example, an individual may accell at factory work, but if your business is in food service, the individual’s skills and desire may not necessarily transfer over.

Can/Will: This individual should be an automatic hire. I have an individual with a disability that shines brightly in this category. This category means that they have both desire and ability to do a job.

The reason that I hired her was of her excellent interview. I could tell by her responses that she was a hard worker. She also indicated that she loved the idea of working in the food industry. Though our coffee shop does not currently serve food, the preparation, skills, and challenges are similar. Considering these aspects, the individual continues to improve, and she provides a lot of worth to my business. For example, When she first started, she would just hand cups to a worker who knew how to make drinks. Now, this individual can make all the drinks while reading a recipe book, and she can run the cash register independently. Her progress assessment score was rather high, and we decided that her next focus would be speed. (Stay tuned for my next blog that talks about training individuals with disabilities, particularly in regards to speed)

Can/Won’t: I have also hired an individual that falls within this category, and I have decided that I will never hire an individual again if they have these aspects, whether typical, or disabled, and no matter how skilled they are. This category means that the individual has the ability to do the work, but they are not willing.

What is difficult about individuals that fall under this category is that at surface level, this individual can appear to be a Can/Will candidate. They may be backed with experience, and they know how to be viewed as a hard worker. Overall, they appear to have potential. I am still working on some sort of analytical way to decipher this person from the first category at first glance. But after a few months, all four areas of the performance assessment will drop–Initiative will start low, application and task ability will follow, and finally relations with others will deplete.

The individual that I hired that fell under this category appeared to have the qualities needed. She has a disability, but she has an attractive character, which is important in the service business. She also has the ability to do many jobs, and it was clear that her learning ability was strong enough to aid her in success in our workplace. But as time went on, her “won’t” factor began to glisten. I would give her jobs to do, and she would do the work, but she didn’t own the job; she had no passion for the work. As the weeks went on her lacadaisical character continued to glisten. Soon she started skipping work, and she wouldn’t call to confirm her absense. We talked, she cried, and she promised she would do better. Even after our talk, nothing really improved, and do to her consistent absense, I had to let her go.

Anyone that falls within this category creates a justification in their mind as to why they are not willing to put in the effort. For many people with disabilities, this justification is often the same: “I have a disability. I am different. Therefore I don’t need to try, and I don’t need to grow.” Think about your typical workers that are often late. They may often blame their tardiness on weather or the traffic. Like individuals with disabilities that fall in this category, the tardy worker has justified that they are entitled to be late.

Letting the individual go was hard, because my goal is always to provide a workplace that creates opportunity and a quality of life for the individual. But the sad truth is that once the individual has let the justification set in, whatever it may be, then they are no longer willing, and therefore they are no longer teachable. Realistically, they have decided that you cannot provide worth to them and therefore they cannot provide use to your business.

Can’t/Will: On the surface, this individual may appear to be someone that you do not want to hire. They are willing to try whatever you ask, but they often fall short of your expectations. But this employee can still provide worth to your business at an intangible level.

I hired a young lady that falls within this category. Her performance assessment score was low in task ability and application ability. However her relationship with others and her initiative were high. Over time task ability and application ability start to follow the suit of relations with others and initiative. Many individuals with disabilities will fall under this category. Their drive can help them actually develop into a Can/Will individual. As an employer, this worker will be desireable at a long term glance, but efforts toward success will begin as limited.

The individual that falls within this category is still just handing cups to other workers that can make drinks. She is learning what pastries to grab for guests, and how to prepare them depending on whether the order is here or to-go. This individual has learned to do a lot of our custodial work (e.g. sweeping and wiping tables) independently. She also does these independent jobs without being told to start them.

Because this individual has a strong desire to work, her passion is strong in what she can do. Recently I had all of my workers create a list of ten coupons or ideas to present that we could possibly implement. One idea that this individual created was a princess mother daughter tea party. At our coffee shop, we would throw a mother/daughter event and provide a discount on tea and a pastry for them to enjoy. This idea is something that I as the employer would never have thought of, but it’s ingenious! It allows us to offer an event that targets young mothers, one of our target markets. This individual had not known anything about our marketing ideas, but she took her own passion and imagination to create something our business may not have implemented otherwise. Therefore because of her initiative, relations with others, and her dynamic ideas, this individual has proved that she is a contributor to our business. More so, she is teachable, and I am confident that she will become an even more desireable employee over time.

Realistically, you can’t hire an employee based on what ideas they may or may not contribute. In the instance of Can’t/Will, you may have to consider the idea of job carving. I will write more on this in an upcoming blog.

Can’t/Won’t: An individual that falls under this category is of no worth to your business, and your business is of no worth to them. You will be able to tell without doubt that this is not someone you want to hire. I have hired many people with disabilities, and considering that, I as an employer can be considered more gracious than most. But there is still a point where I draw the line. I look at my sister. She has Cri Du Chat syndrome, she struggles to walk on uneven ground, she can only say one to two words at a time, she has many behavior issues. I will never hire my sister Randi to work at my shop, and she has no desire to work there. Though it may come across that I have no heart for her, I love my sister, and though she may never hold a job, she still has a quality of life. She improves in other ways and she doesn’t need a job to define success. For example, three years after Randi came to live with our family, her psychiatrist told my parents, “I don’t know what you did with this girl, but I never thought she would be able to go out in public.”

As a sibling of three individuals with disabilities, it is my job to advocate for their quality of life. But, as a realistic businesswoman, I also realize that no matter what the Employment First mandate states, not every individual whether disabled or typical, has the desire or ability to work. As an example, I have no desire to be a surgeon and if someone handed me a scaple and told me to go to town, I promise more harm than good would be done. The Employment First mandate says that if the person has the capability then they should own a job. In other words, if the individual has an ability to flip burgers, they should get a job at McDonald’s. I think it’s important that the state, employers, and the individual all consider the individual’s willingness as well. I know for a fact that if I were working at McDonald’s that my mindset would resemble that of a Can/Won’t individual. It’s setting up a failed relationship between the employer and employee. It’s not to discredit the worth of McDonald’s. My point is that saying someone that has the ability to work but they are mandated to do something they are not willing to do is Hitleristic. Saying someone has no benefit to society without holding a job is degrading them. Frankly, as an employer I am not concerned with how many widgets an individual made in a hour. I want to know that they can smile at a guest, and work toward providing quality service. Quality of life should never be considered quantity of life.

Why Hire Individuals with Disabilities?

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The idea of hiring an individual with a disability can be a scary thought. Questions often arise like, Can they put in the effort I need? Will I have to make special accommodations? Or, What is the worth for my business? In this blog, I would like to encourage you to consider the idea. Not just because it gives quality of life to the individual, but because they have a lot more to offer than what may be visible on the surface.

To scratch the surface of some of the questions above, many individuals with disabilities are more than willing to put in the effort you are looking for. They know they are different. For some, their limitations are an easy justification to be lazy. But for many, they know how hard they must work to achieve a goal, and their perseverance builds a strong work ethic for them. All of my workers with developmental disabilities show up on time, and put full efforts toward their job within the work day. Some of them are even upset if they are told to take a break! Overall, when you find the right individual, they will display character and effort that surpasses many typically functioning workers.

Many workers with disabilities are a breath of fresh air when it comes to work ethic, but it is true that some accommodations may need to be made. Many individuals that are actively searching for a job are paired with a job coach. This coach will analyze the worker’s performance to be certain that he or she is at the level that you want them to be at. Some coaches stay on the job with the worker. Others just visit on occasion to access progress. Job coaches are at no cost to the employer, and it is up to you to decide how involved you would like the job coach to be.

Hiring a person with a disability broadens the diversity of you workplace, and they can provide a unique perspective. For example, I had all of my workers develop coupon ideas for my coffee shop. Some of the ideas were outrageous, like, buy a shirt for a dollar and get a hat for free. Others were very unique. Mother/Daughter princess tea party. Even if some factors seem way out of the box, these individuals can spark new ideas that can turn into something extraordinary. In addition, there are some tax incentives to hiring a person with a disability that can be financially attractive.

Many individuals with disabilities can bring a great dynamic to your business, but to be realistic, not all individuals can bring to the table what you are looking for. Please read my next blog, The Can/Will Matrix, to get an idea of which individuals are worth hiring.